STRANGE / UNIFORM / / faces get recycled / like a lazy animator / am i hoping to come across your face again? / my body feels recycled / when i take it out / am i hoping to feel the streets on fire again? / / here the trees look wrong / and everyone in their strange uniform / here the sea looks wrong / and everyone in their strange uniform / / the ads for red bull taunt me / make it home awake / listen to the same album as this morning / haggard in fluorescent, dresses wrinkled tight / bless me in blue pockets, tennis shoes, and nothingness / / here the seeds look wrong / and everyone in here
HCUNMT / / why did i come here to be blanked / maybe i’m still trying to get your attention / know why you left / maybe i’m just tryin to get / my expectations super wrong / maybe you’ve got other people on your mind / you say i'm a lot / tell your girls i’m out of my mind / / how could you not miss this / you were mine to ditch / how could you not miss this? / turns out i’m the dumb bitch / how could you not miss this / burning all your progress / how could you not miss this / oh, you're right, who does this? / / time to avoid eye contact / time to pretend that i've never met you and i never want to / 'cause that's what you're doing to me
PEOPLE ORB / / new friends / i try to act bathed in mystery / that’s how i’m supposed to be / can’t fall if i don’t leave the house / they might say / what does she do all day? / / if i’m soft it’s in the worst way / never kind / just easy to knock down / new friends / my comfy wall and i / keep away / what does she do all day?
FEAR / PLANS / / each summer’s getting hotter / not the fault of my heater / wealth beyond my comprehension, it’s out of my hands / it’s out of my hands
EVERYONE’S UGLIER IN PERSON / / how fast the thrill fades when we meet / climbed into your accounts to fall asleep / your face a trick of the light / it's getting better / how fast the thrill fades and turns to fear / i hope to stay unseen on the streets / i'm too nervous to speak / / the real me rolls up to work with my hair in last night’s tie / the real you looks bloodless in the bathroom mirror / / oh friends look out for me / do i know u or do we just double tap on each other’s feelings / “i’m getting better” / or i see you thru a light box, pastel blue / crossing out the dots of red and black on our faces / / how fast the thrill fades
DOOMED TO BE THOUGHTFUL / / the sunlight shows all the dust i thought i cleaned / come over, get over yourself with me / should learn to speak up- my passive shit would drive you away / no one likes a cry for help disguised / / doomed to be thoughtful / creatures born awful / / my worst dream: a room full of wedding rings / come over, commiserate with me / listen to me and the draining day i had / a wrestling match with a copy machine
BLUE AND RED / / i could die like this / no one would find me here / at least i wouldn’t have to go to work
FEBRUARY / / in the end it was your tears staining my shirt in the driveway / in the end i didn’t care, turning you around and out the door / you slept in my bed / despite what i said / gotta go / now i’m freed up, free to do whatever with my time / / i didn’t love it / so was it worth the effort? / you didn’t love me / was it worth your effort? / / my eyes hit the floor, you’ve got something going that i like / all i think about could be what you think about me / it hardly matters what you say / i’ll drain the blood rushing to my face / we’ll get in too deep, i’ll still read your old texts on the floor / / in february / pink hearts on the walls and in my eyes / i shouldn’t care though / freedom from whatever they may think / i know that’s just the way you feel / i know that’s just the way i feel
THE MACHINE / / take back all your promises / fall back in the world you built / working on tryna build a case / to defend my own decay / but I’m too good at lying to myself / put that thought back on the shelf / / faded in the evening time / wasted little joys of mine / even when I’m not doing great / tell everyone I’m just okay / forced myself to become a key / so i fit into the machine / floating round the town with all the dust / you’ve been spinning webs to catch my thoughts / “where'd you go? where've you been?” / / fall into place
PLASTIC SHOES / / i'll probably be buried in plastic shoes / yours are well-worn leather from some hiking overseas / are you better than me? / or are you free / this afternoon or the rest of the year? / we could go somewhere / / I memorized your hello / and your favorite record front to back / baby, your shoulders are freezing / / i know i'm plastered off my youth / who has time for caution, who has time to settle down? / are you better than me? / because you laugh / you've been here before and you know better than me now / but you still can't rent a car / so are you free? / you should tell me before i sell my soul to fuzz guitar / because now i hardly recognize myself / that's what i do for attention / / you're really not old enough / for such discretion / baby, don't be so careful / / i say i'm ready for you, but you laugh at me like sickness in the spring / i'm finally ready for you, but you yell at me like the birds outside my window / / so why be careful / when things could go up in flames at any moment? / why be careful / when we all rot in the ground in the end?
WAITING 4 U / / waiting for you / waiting for you to say my name / nothing is new / nothing to do / nothing to say when you walk my way / i'm another ghost to you / you would walk right through me / your hands are warm around my neck / you would eat right through me / couple of months / couple of days / nothing is new when you walk my way / couldn't i see / or couldn't i feel / could you see there was nothing there? / and now my friends are tired of hearing the same old things / my hands are warm around my neck / call me out for howling / you would walk right through me babe / now my friends don't call my name
BAD LUCK / / i figured you'd be late so i tried to be late too / two minutes past the hour doesn't count / bruised legs and you're my unearned confidante / where does my bad luck come from? / / bad luck and bruised legs / where do they come from? / why do anything? / i'm not as good as i thought / or as kind / i go out and glower all night just / to do something / it's not as good as i thought / / all my friends are in love, they got things to do / they have to wear scarves in the summer / my lonely legs stick to the sheets / i think he told everyone i'm crazy
ARMADILLO / / the stars aligns / birds sang when you looked at me and said / see you in hell / i hope i never see you again / there is a melody in your smile like / christmas pop in fall / so sweet deadly always trying too hard / so are you better off now? / i kinda hope your worse cause / i'm a petty bitch / someone tell me why you still cross my mind / i'm out of windows to stare out wistfully / i'm out of gin to drink / i'm out of old dreams to cry about / maybe i like this place i found / i want to stay with you / or i should pack my shit and go / find a city that i find tolerable / find new things to do / why have friends when you have lessons to learn? / / long ago it was too long ago / get over it get over yourself
PUNCH THROAT / / give yourself another night alone / it's so fun to watch you dig yourself a deep hole / everyone's a snowflake but snow is cold / did you forget? in the end we all die alone / give yourself a second try alone / i'm convinced i know myself better than anyone else will / but every month he kicks down my door / just reminding me he still exists in case i forgot / did i forget? / / who made the pool shine so bright / ripples blind you / wait till i find you / too bad i want to punch you in the throat / who made you shine so bright / oceans blind you / wait till i find you / too bad i don't live on the coast anymore / too bad i want to punch you in the throat
MY FRIENDS, STARSTRUCK / / i thought we would be real / but now all you do is like my facebook posts / why would you track down every account of mine just to ghost me? / i thought you could be cool / but now all i see are your icons / why do we say give it a slow fade / because it still hurts that way / my friends, starstruck / give it away / they're all starstruck / no time for me / my friends tell me / "you still come first" / what a lie / don't even say it / i thought this could be fun / just one night, no other plans / why would you throw me a bone to chew when i'm starving? / taunt me / / head wrapped up / my chest is heavy / nobody taught me how to relax / someone take my blood and slow it down for me / because i'm tired
SAN JOSE / / why do i sell my soul / to fuzz guitar / pretend i love it / to show that i love you / / sleeping on my side across the chairs / wake up at five in a daze in san jose / maybe i dreamt of you all night / it's alright / trying to convince you in my head / to kiss me all the time, the argument's tight, it isn't my place / i don't want to talk you into it / it's not right / tired of your flimsy tragic past / maybe i don't want to talk about it / / life is always coming soon / and i'm wondering if it all is even worth it / life is always coming soon
DAMN, DUDE / / can't get over that guitar / damn dude you do it well / hey come over after class / why not take me to hell / i haven't traveled in a while / can't get over how it felt / right here before you left / can't say you did it great / but is that what i want? / caught me staring at the wall / posters tell me something else / i haven't traveled in a while / kentucky whiskey on your bedstand / how long have you let it sit there? / maybe you'd find yourself in joyland / how long would you like to be there?
DIE ALONE / / holy ghosted again / the heavenly choirs i heard when you spent the night were almost worth it / plant-based, but egg is on my face again / i don't think you understand how much this happens / is there something wrong with me? / / i'm better off / he checked facebook on his phone naked in bed / i know i'm better off / but i'm pretty sure i'm bound to die alone / / avoid most boys with guitars / chances are he leaves without reason or warning / he left me feeling like a garbage troll / even sober i felt awful the next morning / / i'm better off / he got harder for concertos than for me / i know i'm better off / but i'm pretty sure i'm bound to die alone / / i'm pretty sure i'll die alone / yeah boy, you like that? / i tried my best to soften up / but he liked the callouses on my fingers / / i'm better off / he repeated his own jokes that didn't land / i know i'm better off / but i'm pretty sure i'm bound to die alone / if you're nonchalant you won't get anywhere / it's even worse, somehow, to show you care / so get cozy with some cats and die alone
SPRING SICKNESS / / you laugh at me like sickness in the spring / you yell at me like the birds outside my window / maybe they're just glad the sun came again / maybe they're just tired and i stayed up too late / but i can't sleep anymore / not sure what i'm here for / i don't know anymore / won't you tell me why i can't sleep anymore / not sure what i'm here for / i don't know anymore / won't you tell me why i'm here / you laugh at me and say i'll never know / create your own but i'm better with directions / i could fold an airplane out of my diploma or the notes he left me / i could write a novel out of threads from my gown or the sheets on my bed / / you laugh at me, glad my jokes are landing / i'll thank the chuck running through your veins / i could write you letters but it won't be the same / as waking next to you to discuss the night before / nights i'll never have again
ENDLESS BUMMER / / life will pass you by / so sleep with me tonight / i burned your name in my eyes just for fun / i'm not worth second glances / i'm aware, but that doesn't / stop me from chasing after someone like you / even though / i didn't know you / what was i like four years ago / i don't know if i'll ever feel alive again / that's dramatic / past lives like ivy / growing up my sides / webs of dust where you held me / yesterday, or a hundred years ago / i didn't know you / cup your hands around my lighter / breathe in, i'll burn your lungs / it would take a perfect windstorm / to undo the mess you made and blow me out / snap my legs, they're made of kindling / fold my arms, they're paper / it would take a perfect rainstorm / to wash yourself of me and drown me out / what about after graduation? / no, time won't exist / no one to tell me when to move on / endless summer / / what about after graduation? / i might not exist / no one to tell me when to move on / endless bummer
SALT / / explain the salt or the shadows on my face / maybe it's graduation and papers left to write / my stomach ties itself in boy scout knots / maybe i still don't know what's coming for me / this again / maybe i'm just fragile / my body's bulky limbs / my face is tired of itself again and i can't believe / i'm stuck with me, myself / for my whole life / will you sympathize with me or will you run away? / explain the salt lingering on my lips / i'd sing about something bigger like death or history / but love is all i seem to know about / i see it's getting boring / four ballads for every fling / this again / / would anybody like to follow the blue roads underneath my skin?
NEVER CHILL / / i still have paper skin but my bones are cement / i'm used to falling for someone who doesn't look at me ever / i've got stress fractures left from being thrown around / i say it isn't my fault as if it isn't my fault / never chill / i was shocked he'd talk to me / no need to think ahead / no need to check how long the drive would be to his town / but he's got me grinning big / widest smile in a while / you know i'm down / i make it so obvious / never chill / who believes in that shit / why would i let myself / get caught up in another sunny dream unwarranted? / won't you tell me it's okay / to feel anything at all / to get so involved / like hell it isn't my fault / never chill / i still have paper skin but my bones are cement
CHAMOMILE CRYBABY / / on my back again / the ceiling looks nice to day / why do we miss our exes we don't love anymore? / there's a strangest feeling in my old pictures / why do we miss those times we don't love anymore? / i don't have any medication for my racing heart / crush up some melatonin and hope for the best / chamomile crybaby can't learn to relax / i don't mean to cry emotional wolf / maybe i just need to get laid or cry for ten hours or go to bed or have a drink / swallowed in apathy / what a moody thing to say / bike home at two am / this isn't fun anymore / i change my clothes in front of an open window / who would dare to see me when i'm in this state / i don't have any medication for my restless heart / knock back a benadryl and hope for the best / chamomile crybaby can't learn to relax
UNTOUCHABLE BODY / / no one's stopping me from digging through my past / scrolling used to hurt but now it's nothing / now i see your name in blue and try / to remember how it felt in your everlasting arms / now i'm hoping for a good life / just us our young bodies living check to check / i'll spend my summer drinking sangria / i will spend my summer in love with the unfeeling sun / burning my months away / maybe i'm happy / turning my arms red / untouchable body / burning my thoughts away / maybe i'm happy / turning my eyes red / untouchable body
50 DEGREE WEATHER / / pulling my eyes open / my nails crease my cheeks / slouched over the mattress i promised i would keep / but i move out in a week / chasing after some boy's heart / my body's bruised and burnt / mom begs me to come back home / the answer's always no / but i love my father / how come i never tell him / if i go home i'll just burn out / alone at home i'll just burn out / crown me queen of foolish teens / i'm clinging onto you / slouched over the coffee / i make each day for two / but now i'm in my twenties / how come it never feels right / / maybe i'm in love with you in our / oregon palace of blankets and bottles / in a world without men we'd reign forever / maybe i'd feel better if i weren't so sun starved / putting on my shorts in fifty degree weather / we'd reign forever in our fifty degree weather